i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
