Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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