You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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