Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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