I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
