Kiss
Puke
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
