But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
