when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
