I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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