I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm too high and old for this...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
