Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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