If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
