She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
