my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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