Just fell off a train. Bad.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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