you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
