Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
