Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
