Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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