Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
