I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
