I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
