Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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