You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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