she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
