I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
