I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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