I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
