i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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