So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
