he thought i was a dude.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize