Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
