I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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