I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
