Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
