My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
