the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
