We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
