Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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