Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
