Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
