I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
