wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
