he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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