The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
