Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
