I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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