she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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