He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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