Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
