I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
