New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
