Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
