you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just high enough for therapy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
