I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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