I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
