i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
