So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
