sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
