I'm going to jail i love you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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