I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
