my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
