so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
