Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
