ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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