i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
